The Dating Couple

Growing up I remember hearing about the famed “seven-year itch”. Supposedly, after you’ve been with the same woman for seven years, you’re supposed to get this burning desire to sleep around, taste other fruits or just and generally fuck anything that moves other than your significant other.

However, Crystal and I just hit our seven year mark and, right now, I don’t feel any such overwhelming urge. We were a monogomous couple for two years and have been a polyamorous one for the most recent five, It’s been a wonderful relationship, one where she never ceases to amaze me, and all I can think is how much I look forward to what tomorrow brings.

I was only truly tempted to cheat once, that was when we had been together for just six months and were still monogamous. We were still new, the relationship was just taking off and times were tough. A girl took an interest in me and tried to pry me away, a long story for another day, but I held steadfast. I didn’t break, even as Crystal tried to shove me out the door, and the six-plus years that have passed since have been a constant reward for that.

I never once regretted my decision.

But still, the lack of the seven-year itch has me worried. Worried that it might sneak up later, when I am not prepared for it. Hopefully though, it’s gone for good and maybe, just maybe, that is actually the case.

The Chorus of Groans

I can already hear the chorus of groans. Men and women everywhere saying something like this:

It’s easy for you to not get the itch, you get to sleep with other women from time to time.

This is true, but polyamory is not a cure for cheating. In some ways, it actually makes things harder.

Consider this, in a monogamous relationship, you know what the boundaries are. You don’t sleep with other people. Period. An open-minded spouse might let their partner go to a topless bar or a dance club without them but, pretty much as the name “monogamous” “says, sex with others is off limits.

With a polyamorous relationship, the boundaries aren’t automatic nor are they consistent from relationship to relationship or even situation to situation. If communication breaks down, it can be very easy to accidentally cross lines and do something that is considered by your partner to be cheating.

Second, polyamory doesn’t get rid of the urges. A pretty woman flirts with you at the grocery store, it piques your desire and you know that she, most likely, won’t be comfortable with the fact you are already in a relationship, much less interested in your partner, you still have to fight the urge to “go it alone”.

Sure, our lifestyle gives me something good to come home to and a good reason not too cheat, but our relationship is not perfect, there are drawbacks to dating a bisexual and this type of relationship requires a lot of trust, maintenance and communication. The urge to cheat does not go away, just much of the benefit one would gain from doing so.

The Real Secret

So what’s the real secret? I don’t know.

What I do know is that we are best friends. What we share between the sheets is great and wonderful, both with and without a third partner, but it’s the time we spend together out of the bedroom that makes me keep coming home.

In short, if we didn’t enjoy spending time with one another, no lifestyle nor sexuality could keep us together. We both could have probably had many more partners if we hadn’t been together, What we do isn’t about having sex with as many people as possible, but about expanding our relationship, both romantically and sexually, with whoever we find compatible.

If it weren’t for our lifestyle, would I have the itch right now? Perhaps. But then again, I wouldn’t have the level of trust, love and compatibility that I do with her now. This is the relationship that’s right for us and, without it, we would be more tempted to cheat, but only because we wouldn’t be the same couple we are now.

Conclusions

We had a defining moment of our relationship a few weeks ago at a strip club (Why do so many of our defining moments seem to come at strip clubs?). New to club, one of the dancers, whom we’d been talking to for a while, asked us how long we had been together.

“Seven years,” Crystal responded.

The dancer’s jaw dropped open,”Wow! The way you two act I would have though it would have only been three months!”

We chuckled to each other and thanked her for the compliment. As we left later holding hands and smooching like teenagers, I realized that she had a point. We do act like we just met.

I suppose in some ways, we just have.