The Dating Couple

When Crystal and I started talking about bringing other women into our relationship and our bedroom, we spent a lot of time talking about comfort levels and how we would feel in certain situations.

It was a difficult string of conversations that took place over a few months. We were throwing out “what if” scenarios and trying to decipher, in advance, how we would feel in them. We realized it was impossible to plan our emotions, but we needed some baseline rules before we could move forward. Still, it became obvious quickly that constant communicaiton would be key.

However, during one of these talks, Crystal admitted she had a qualm that confused me at first. She said she was more comfortable with me having sex with another girl than receiving oral. Me giving it didn’t bother her, but she wanted to be the one to give to me.

It seemed to be an unusual , but after I thought about it a second, it made perfect sense.

The Art of the Blowjob

Before I met Crystal, I didn’t enjoy oral sex all that much. Though it felt good, I had never climaxed through it and it wasn’t due to lack of trying. For example, my ex prior to Crystal was a sword swallower and could deep throat easily. However, despite obvious natural talents, she never brought me close to coming.

Oral with Crystal was different some how. She was caring and compassionate. She took the time to learn me, to use a gentle touch and to listen to both my words and my body language. It didn’t take long with her before everything fell into place. Her gentle touch down my shaft, her soft lips and gentle sucking on my head, it was a wonderful experience. I remember laying back on the bed, knowing that this was different.

We were supposed to be having just a quick romp, but it quickly became a life-altering experience. When she felt me near climax she didn’t stop, instead, she started stroking and licking faster until I arched up and exploded. It was so unexpected and so beautiful, it changed my view on oral sex forever.

Crystal knew how meaningful and powerful this was. She had only been with one man before me but this gave her confidence in her skills. She took pride in her accomplishment, as she should, and enjoyed the praise I heaped upon her.

Crystal and I are both givers, we love giving pleasure to others and enjoys as much, if not more than, receiving it. Being so good at giving to me meant a great deal to her and now, all of these years later, she was confronted with the thought of losing that very special title.

It was easy to see why she wasn’t comfortable and it almost stopped our polyamorous lifestyle before it started.

Jealousy Be Thy Name

I realized quickly her problem wasn’t unique. I too realized that I would have problems, at least at first, if someone, male or female, tore into our bedroom and ravaged her in ways I never could. We all want to be our lover’s best partner, even when we’re open to bringing in others.

I saw this first hand once. The one time we played with a couple nearly ended in disaster. Crystal and the other girl, named “R” were on the bed, getting heavy into things while I was taking pictures and the other boyfriend, “J”, was watching and sipping a drink. The two of them, J and R, were new to this kind of play and Crystal was clearly R’s first woman. As things progressed J was very turned on but when R started coming fully, digging her nailes into the bed, arching, screaming and writhing while Crystal used a toy and her fingers on her, J’s look changed from arousal to panic.

I knew instantly he had never seen R do that before. The two of them left, R was talkative and happy but J was distant and concerned. We tried to play with them once more but realized quickly that couples were not for us, especially couples that hadn’t worked through the same issues we had. Besides, they were our friends and we didn’t want to cause any problems with them.

Still, we had to work through these issues, or else our encounters would either be very limited, or nonexistant. We knew that and, in our own ways, we worked to overcome them.

Moving On

For me, moving on was easier. When Crystal accepted her bisexuality I had to accept that there was a side of her sexuality that I could never fill. I may be her number one, but until I sprouted breasts I was not going to be her only.

However, what we discovered was something different, that, for us, those kinds of emotions don’t come into play when you’re with someone you know, care about and trust. For us, the concerns of jealousy melted the first time we had a threesome. Straight from the outset, we were giving and receiving oral sex, it all came so naturally that the concerns we had in the past seemed almost silly.

Since then, I’ve come orally for one other woman, our most recent girlfriend, and it caused no friction (though it admittedly was nowhere near as good as it is with Crystal). In fact, it was Crystal who encouraged me to finish that way. I have also stared down my fears of jealousy, watching Crystal respond more strongly to another’s touch than my own and seeing how another woman, especially when taking Crystal’s nipple into her mouth, can get a stronger reaction than I.

But from these experiences, we gained knowledge. We’ve talked to each other about what we did and did not like and we became better lovers to both each other and those we bring in. It wasn’t easy for either of us to swallow our pride and admit someone else was as good or even better at something than we are, but by doing so we were able to learn and grow, hopefully surpassing those we’ve met in the past.

Now, seven years into it, we’re having the best sex of our lives and it keeps getting better every day.

What It Means to Me

Jealousy is a real emotion and it must be confronted directly, especially in relationships like ours. There have been a few moments of sincere jealousy over the years but none have involved sex, only love. However, that hasn’t stopped us from forging new relationships and continuing to welcome love when we find it. The good still far outweighs the bad.

But the bottom line is that no one, no matter how much you talk, can predict how you will feel in a situation. Sometimes jealousy is just an illusion, blown away but natural lust and love, other times something simple and unforeseen can become a major issue out of nowhere.

The important thing is not to lay down a set of rules and make them the gospel. Instead, one has to listen to their partner, stay in constant communication and be flexible with the rules. Comfort zones expand and contract constantly, it’s important to respond to those changes.

Our rules are exclusively about that kind of communiction. The only action we forbid is unsafe sex. Everything else is up for constant debate and discussion.

That’s the way it should be.