The Dating Couple

Spring is almost upon us. That means department stores are already gearing up for the summer months and are putting out some of their warmer weather merchandise.

With that comes one of our favorite time-wasters for when we’re trudging around the hallowed halls of our local Wal-Mart, Target or other retailer. It’s a simple, but fun game that anyone can play.

If you have a few moments while in one of these gigantic retailers, make your way over to the area with the above-ground swimming pools. There, take a close look at the photos on the boxes, you’ll notice something very strange about all of the “families” they feature.

The moms are always really hot.

Sex Sells… Even to Kids Apparently

It literally does not matter what pool you look at. It could be a kiddie pool three feet wide and four inches deep, there will be a hot mom beside it, usually in a bikini or a low-cut, one-piece suit. If it’s a larger pool, there will be at least one, but probably two, hot mothers frolicking in the water with a couple of attractive older daughters to boot.

Nevermind that, in most cases, the moms don’t look anything like the kids, probably aren’t old enough to have actually had them and seem to be completely disinterested in the rugrats the pool is actually for. They’re too busy bending over and exposing cleavage for anyone to really care. Sure, they sometimes grab a pool net and stand at the edge of the water pretending to clean it, but they are always looking somewhere else other than at the kids they’re “watching”, usually directly at the camera with a soft, flirtatious smile.

When it’s all said and done, these boxes are one part soft porn, one part advertising and one part comedy.

As someone with a background in advertising, this is all very odd to me. We’re taught that sex sells but only sexy things. You can use sex to sell lingerie, make up, some cars and anything else that is supposed to enhance sex or sex appeal. You can not, however, use it to sell donuts.

I really fail to see how a pool for your kiddies constitutes a “sexy thing”. I have to wonder about the parenting and financial skills of any father (or mother) that buys a pool based upon how attractive the woman on the box is. Sure, it’s eye catching, but I haven’t bought a pool yet and I really don’t want one either.

All in all, it’s good for a little bit of ogling. Some of the moms really are sexy and, in some of the larger pools, there are some cute guys too for anyone who is interested. It’s also a good bit a comedy watching these “moms” feign interest in the kids while bending over and looking directly into the camera.

However, if you think about it, it’s also sad commentary on what some marketers think of the rest of us, that a pair of beautiful boobies might motivate us to take home a $400 above ground pool we otherwise wouldn’t purchase.

Still, it’s a fun game and a great way to kill a few moments in the hellish environment of a department store. Bonus points goes out to anyone who gets “Stacey’s Mom” or “Mrs. Robinson” stuck in their heads while looking at the pictures.