The Dating Couple

I’ll step up and admit. I love it when I get quality alone time.

Studies seem to agree with me. They show that, no matter how satisfied with your sex life you are, you probably still masturbate at least occasionally.

Crystal is easily the best lover that I’ve had. We’re also a very sexual couple, even after seven years of being together. We have sex an average of 5-6 times per week, more on some weeks, less on others. That is more than enough to satisfy, but still, every once in a while, I just want to shut the door and be my own partner for the evening. It’s not a common thing, but it happens regularly enough.

To take things a step further, this desire continued even while we had a (practically) live in girlfriend. Though two gorgeous women were around, both very sexual and fun, sometimes I just wanted it to be about me. Once again, it wasn’t an all-the-time thing, it wasn’t even frequent, but it was still there.

Frankly, I don’t see it going away either.

Being Selfish

When I’m with someone else, I try to be a very attentive lover, perhaps too much so at times. I’m always worrying about what my partner(s) want, looking for cues, listening to what they say and asking what they want to do. If they have fun, I have fun.

It doesn’t matter if the sex is the purely physical, fuck-me-now variety or the more slow and spiritual kind, I’m always listening to my partner and trying to give them what they need while I try to get what I need. I find it easiest to enjoy myself, truly enjoy myself, after I know that those I am with are at least satisfied for the moment. I find it hard to be selfish, to focus solely on my pleasure and, though I enjoy every blissful moment of sex, there’s a certain element that is always missing.

Even when I’m receiving oral, the most “selfish” sexual act, there are still some pressures. Even if Crystal is purely in a giving mood, she draws endless joy from tormenting and holding me out to see how long she can get me to last, how hard she can make me and how powerful an orgasm she can give me. It’s wonderful and that has lead to some of the most intense moments of my life. However, I am still bending to her will, focused on giving her what she wants, even as she focuses on giving me what I need.

Masturbation fills that selfish need. I can make it as quick as I want, I can rub all of the spots I want, when I want. I listen to what my body wants and I meet those needs. I can do it anywhere at any time. With a little imagination, it can be with anyone that I want in any way that I want them. It’s all about my needs, my desires and meeting them the way I want, when I want it.

It’s wonderful and, though actual sex would always be a greater release, it is still a powerful moment for me. It’s a present to myself and like a long bath or an afternoon nap, it plays a big role in keeping me happy.

Openness

Crystal and I are very open about our “alone times” as we call them. We work hard to ensure that they never interfere with actual sex (they’re most common around Crystal’s time of the month) and we never use them as a substitute for the real thing. It’s something for when sex isn’t available, isn’t wanted or just isn’t needed. After all, our sexual appetites vary and they don’t always ebb and flow in sync.

But that’s not always a bad thing, it can be a chance for us to break out the toys and our favorite pornos and engage in a little self love. We never hide what we do and its never that often, but both of us are a lot happier when we do it. Whether it’s a matter of releasing those pent up desires or just focusing on ourselves for a bit, it’s always a relief.

And since we’re so open with it, it is never a dirty thing. We talk openly about what we look at or think about during, we learn about ourselves and about each other from it. We often bring the videos and images with us later into the bedroom, to enjoy as a couple when we’re taking care of each other.

Through it all, I think the net effect of masturbation in our relationship has been positive. We’ve learned from it, become better lovers and grown more as a couple because of it.

In the end, I don’t see why it has such a bad reputation. It’s sex with someone you love, someone who knows exactly what you want and someone you know will be there when you wake up in the morning. It’s the perfect lover, at least for the night.

It seems, to me at least (and I base this on experience), the problem isn’t masturbation, it’s the lying that seems to come with it.

Honesty in Motion

So, since lying is the problem, I’m being honest: I like to masturbate.

I’m sure that the rest of the world, if truthful, will say the same thing.

There’s nothing like self love once in a while. There’s nothing like getting in touch with yourself and your sexuality in the way that you constantly do with your partner. It’s energizing, reaffirming and, in my case at least, makes me appreciate Crystal all the more.

Self love is a good thing and I wish more couples would celebrate it rather than condemn it. By banning it, they’re missing a huge part of their sexuality and a great chance to grow as lovers.

So let’s enjoy it and have some fun.

Let’s all go home and masturbate.