It was over six years ago when Crystal came home from work and, as usual, asked me what I had done during the day. I, with absolutely nothing exciting to offer, threw out a bit of sarcasm and said the most outrageous thing I could think of, “I spent all day sleeping with my Asian schoolgirl”.
Crystal pursed her lips together, trying not to laugh at my stupid joke, “Oh yeah, what’s her name?” she asked with a bit of a smirk.
I pride myself on being witty and quick on my feet. I’m always the first with a smart retort or a sarcastic comment but I was already stifling giggles. The “master bullshitter” was almost humbled.
“Ming Li,” I said, “Her name is Ming Li.”
With that, we both busted out laughing and enjoyed the moment. However, little did we know that an inside joke and, worse yet, a running gag had been born.
Continue reading ‘In Honor of Ming Li’
Or rather, the air is off.
Our beloved air conditioner took a nose dive on us Wednesday. It blows air but it doesn’t cool. It probably needs a recharge or just a good servicing, but with less than two weeks to go in our rental unit, it almost seems to be a waste of time to get it fixed, especially since our landlord probably won’t get anyone out until well after we’re gone.
So now we’re suffering. It’s New Orleans in May. The air is humid, the temperature is high and we have all of our fans going full tilt. This is not the way we wanted to spend our last days in this house but it seems to be the way it’s going down.
Continue reading ‘The Heat Is On…’
Time has been short lately.
Between the new house, job issues and everything else that has been going on, we haven’t had much time left to go out, meet people and, hopefully, get introduced to our next girlfriend. Both the time and energy have been lacking to have our usual adventures.
Sure, we’ve been having a lot of fun just the two of us, but we still wish we could get out there more. Our lives, however, are kind of on hold until the new house is bought and moved in to. Until then, we’re floating around in limbo.
To counter that, we’ve been debating another idea, posting an ad on Craigslist and seeing if we can somehow fit dating back into our schedule.
Continue reading ‘Craiglsist… Or Not’
Highway 49 is a desolate Louisiana Highway. It stretches north to south through the state, starting up in Shreveport, cutting through Alexandria and down to Lafayette.
It travels through some of the loneliest parts of the state and, especially at night. It’s primarily used by truckers, who need to get their goods from the port in New Orleans up to Dallas or other points north. This means that, on weekends, it can be especially dull.
The most barren stretch is between Opelousas and Alexandria, a seventy-mile stretch with no towns, just woods, farms and marsh.
It was there that Crystal and I found ourselves late Friday night. We were heading north toward her parents’ house and we were bored. Crystal was driving, as she usually does the second leg of the trip, and we were both tired, the conversation had slowed and the music was uninspiring.
I looked over to her after checking my mail on my cell phone, “What do you want to do to pass the time?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she said, “But you could always masturbate.”
Continue reading ‘Stroking At 70 Miles Per Hour’
Right after our first threesome, I was in a state of pure bliss. Not only had I just had some of the most incredible sex of my life, but I was in bed with two very beautiful, smiling women.
We were all exhausted. Orgasms had been traded back and forth for hours on end and, though it was only mid-afternoon, we felt like we needed a good night’s rest. After we cleaned up we all jumped back into the bed, still nude, and began to cuddle, softly and affectionately.
It was, and still is, one of my favorite memories.
Continue reading ‘The Problem With Threesome Cuddling’
We have a new love in our life, it’s a cozy 1000-square foot home in an upscale part of town. We fell in love with her at first sight. She had her flaws, a hideous teal paint job on her interior, a few bad outlets and a cracked pane of glass to name a few, but she’s a sturdy, capable partner.
Sadly though, she is something of a prostitute and not a cheap one at that. Getting into her will be an expensive process and, worse still, she keeps us out until well past dusk signing papers, chasing realtors and learning a new language (mortgage-speak).
These are confusing, nerve-racking but exciting times for us. We’re settling finances, planning for the future and wondering when the damn inspector can get by. It also means pinching some pennies right now and trying to come up with the down payments.
We’re very happy but it does mean that posts might be a bit scarce for a few days while we dig ourselves out from under the paperwork. When it’s all said and done we will, hopefully, have a new place to call our own (it will be our first home that we own) and a great “bachelor pad” of sorts.
Yeah, we’re devising evil plans for the spare room… Stay tuned.
We stayed in last night. There was nothing going on in the city that really enticed us, the place was a wreck (so bringing someone home was out of the question) and a girl that we had been interested in, at least as a friend, had pretty much jilted us the night before.
To top it off though, I’ve been feeling rather down lately, stressed out by my current job situation, house hunting and everything else going on. I’ve been feeling about as unsexual and unsexy as humanly
possible.
Crystal, however, has been wonderful through it all. Last night she poured me a very tall and very strong Crown & Coke and we stayed up late watching campy science fiction, namely Star Trek and The Outer Limits. Cheesy, but fun.
Still, some sex things have been on my mind lately, consider the following…
Continue reading ‘Crown with Coke, The Condom Debate and Romance’
On the whole, Crystal and I are about as sexually compatible as two people can get. Our libidos match, we like most of the same things (including our taste in women), we enjoy the same porn and, even after seven years, are still very attracted to one another.
Sure, we go through periods where we are out of sync, where we need some time alone or whatnot, but over all we seem to match up pretty well.
The one issue we do have is one with our internal clocks. I’m the most ready for action late in the evening, Crystal, on the other hand, is a morning person when it comes to sex.
In this regard, we couldn’t be farther apart…
Continue reading ‘Morning People’
I’m not a suave guy by any stretch. I don’t know any great pick up lines. I am, at best, a mediocre flirt and I’m terrible with small talk.
However, I am pretty good at reading people, finding common ground and striking up a conversation. I generally can study someone for a few moments, swoop in, engage them in conversation and, if nothing else, get a few minutes of upbeat chatter from them.
It isn’t much, I know, but it’s a sharp contrast to who I was, an awkward geek that felt out of place even saying hello. The fact that I can engage strangers with ease is a huge advancement.
Sadly, I don’t get to exploit that ability much. At least not to the end of meeting new girls, Though it might do wonders for me if I were single, as half of a couple, it does me almost no good.
Continue reading ‘Attack… Or Not’
I became a convert yesterday. I had a life-altering experience that filled me with joy and sent both my body and my soul to new heights.
It was a spiritual experience, one that taught me a great deal about myself as a human being and showed me that, no matter how well you think you know who you are, new experiences can open you up to exciting possibilities, exposing a whole new side of yourself.
That’s right, I got a Mac. Specifically, a Mac Mini.
What, did you think I was talking about something else? Perverts, all of you. I love you anyway though…
Continue reading ‘I will Call Him… Mini Me’
