The Dating Couple

It was over six years ago when Crystal came home from work and, as usual, asked me what I had done during the day. I, with absolutely nothing exciting to offer, threw out a bit of sarcasm and said the most outrageous thing I could think of, “I spent all day sleeping with my Asian schoolgirl”.

Crystal pursed her lips together, trying not to laugh at my stupid joke, “Oh yeah, what’s her name?” she asked with a bit of a smirk.

I pride myself on being witty and quick on my feet. I’m always the first with a smart retort or a sarcastic comment but I was already stifling giggles. The “master bullshitter” was almost humbled.

“Ming Li,” I said, “Her name is Ming Li.”

With that, we both busted out laughing and enjoyed the moment. However, little did we know that an inside joke and, worse yet, a running gag had been born.

Continue reading ‘In Honor of Ming Li’

As Jonathan and I were walking around our neighborhood last week, looking at houses, a car drove past. Nothing unusual about that, however what was unusual was that a girl yelled out “Nice Ass” to me.

I’ve gotten many compliments on my posterior before. It wasn’t anything new. However, it did take me by surprise that a girl would so brazenly yell out her appreciation. Unfortunately, she was driving too fast. By the time the her cat call reached my ears and registered in my brain, she was gone.

I walked back to the edge of the street and looked after the car, but to no avail.

I have to wonder what would have happened if she had slowed down to see if I would stop and turn around. I have to wonder had she somehow known that Jonathan and I date girls, if she would have gotten out of the car to compliment me. I have to wonder, who she was and if she thought about my ass while masturbating that night.

I wish that she would have stopped. I wish that women would have the courage to come up to me and be so direct. And, I wish that I could be just as direct back.

I think that, as women, we’re taught to be sensitive to other women’s feelings. We’re taught to not talk like guys to other women. We’re taught to play games and not to be straight forward about how we feel or what we want. Even though this woman in the car was blunt, she was still playing a game because if she had truly not cared about what I would think, she would have stopped the car. She would have gotten out and she would have told me to my face/ass what she thought of me.

I wish she had. We might have made a new friend from the experience, and she? Well, she would have had a great time I’m sure.

There was a girl in the cafeteria at lunch today. She was absolutely lovely. Her long dark hair was swept up into a clip so that the ends fell loose and brushed against her swan-like neck. She was tall and slender, but shapely. She looked like she had just stepped out of an old private eye movie from the 1920′s in her knit black shirt, her knee-length gray skirt and long legs. Everything about the way she moved and what she wore projected elegance and beauty.

Perhaps, that is why the tone of this entry is toned down some. Perhaps, using vulgarities to describe her would somehow diminish the joy of the memory of watching her move, the way the sun seemed drawn to her and relish dancing on her skin, and the way we silently exchanged glances as we quietly ate our lunch while sitting alone.

I usually try not to look at the people at work. It seems important to me to keep the two sides of myself separate, the fun loving after work and the responsible member of society I’m expected to portray during the day. However, for a split moment today, I let my mask fall just a little and let someone else peek in at me as I glanced back at her under her mask. A fleeting and unexpected meeting of two people who recognized each other as kindred.

It was a nice sensation and I hope to see this beauty again tomorrow. Perhaps, she’ll ask to share my table and grace me with her presence. Then, I can see up close how certain aspects of her body move when she scoots her chair closer to the table and if her eyes sparkle as much as they seemed to from half a room away.

These days it’s something of a fad to make “death lists” or a list of things to do before you die. All over the world people are writing about seeing the pyramids in Egypt, boating in the Amazon River, writing their first novel or whatever else floats their boat.

Never one to shy away from a morbid trend, I’ve decided to create my own, sort of. But rather than write tomes about things I’ll probably never do no matter what list I put it on, I’ve decided to be just a wee little bit more practical and make a list of the sexual things I haven’t done but want to do before I take the long dirt nap.

So, without further ado, here’s my (abbreviated) list of sexual things I want to do before I die…

Continue reading ‘Things to Do Before I Go Stiff’

I’m a pretty non-violent person. Though I’ve trained in martial arts and was working to compete in MMA fighting, I make a rule never to fight for any reason other than sport or self defense.

Still, if anyone insults Joan Jett in my presence, they can expect retaliation, no exceptions to the rule.

As a child of the eighties, Joan holds a very special place in my heart. I’ve followed her career closely and though I’m not nearly as obsessed with her as some of her fans, she’s the closest thing I have to a true celebrity crush. She’s probably the only person I would drop Crystal for (Yes. Crystal knows this and is quick to remind that Joan would probably prefer her).

Joan has also been my longest-lasting crush of any variety, going on for as long as I can remember and continuing, very strongly, even today.

Continue reading ‘Joan Jett and My Black Heart’

After ditching the St. Patty’s day festivities on Bourbon St., we headed home, changed clothes and made the drive across town to the local lesbian bar.

When we got there, a few minutes after midnight, the place was already jumping, we quickly paid our cover, set up our tab at the bar and set about mingling. After a few drinks and some surveying, we decided to split up, I made my way to a back corner where I could stay out of sight for a bit and Crystal went to the dance floor where she started watching and maneuvering the crowd.

Sometime around then, while I was distracted watching the room from my corner, a girl with short brunette hair sat down next to me on the bench. She sat some distance away and seemed uninterested in me, I thought nothing of it. That is, until she got my attention.

Continue reading ‘Betrayed’

In high school I was a tremendous nerd. I was a very bright student, but I was far too deep into my books to have any real people skills. I was awkward, nervous and shy. My fashion sense, or lack thereof, didn’t help matters. I wore the most ridiculous pair of glasses, had a horrendous haircut and draped the worst possible clothes over my lanky frame.

I was poison to the girls my age and they treated me accordingly. Still, it didn’t stop me from developing the usual string of teenage crushes, one of the larger ones on a girl in my band class, HH.

With a full figure, gorgeous brown hair and soft brown eyes tucked behind a pair of trendy glasses, she wasn’t in danger of becoming the homecoming queen, but she was still far beyond my level. She was beautiful, to me at least, and I wanted her.

I made a few pathetic moves at her but all were shot down in flames. It just wasn’t meant to be.

Eventually, I dropped out of band and pretty soon thereafter forgot about her. New crushes came up and she was soon relegated to another pretty face in the hallways.

That is, until I bumped into her almost ten years later.

Continue reading ‘The Strange Tale of HH’

I love this city. I really do. As Jonathan mentioned yesterday, I got some exciting news. I’ll be starting a new permanent position next week. Even though it is office work, it is in a challenging field, pays very well, and has tons of benefits.

I went to my pre-employment physical this morning. It was uneventful. However, I left it about an hour before Jonathan was to take lunch. I called and we agreed that I’d hang around on that side of the river so that I could meet him.

Hmm … What to do for an hour in the French Quarter? I of course headed to Bourbon St.

Continue reading ‘Ahh…The French Quarter’

Spring is almost upon us. That means department stores are already gearing up for the summer months and are putting out some of their warmer weather merchandise.

With that comes one of our favorite time-wasters for when we’re trudging around the hallowed halls of our local Wal-Mart, Target or other retailer. It’s a simple, but fun game that anyone can play.

If you have a few moments while in one of these gigantic retailers, make your way over to the area with the above-ground swimming pools. There, take a close look at the photos on the boxes, you’ll notice something very strange about all of the “families” they feature.

The moms are always really hot.

Continue reading ‘Hot Pool Moms’

With our recent visit to the local lesbian bar such a wonderful success, it seems logical to talk about one of the stranger paradoxes of the situation, the fact that I went along.

After all, there are very few places that men are not supposed to go, women’s locker rooms, bathrooms and gyms to name a few. A lesbian bar seems to be equally contradictory. It’s a bar for lesbians. Lesbians are women, therefore, no men should be allowed.

However, that obviously isn’t the case and, at most lesbian bars, there are at least a few men to be found. This doesn’t mean that men have an easy time of it there. There are many pitfalls and acceptance isn’t easy.

Still, it can be done if men just follow some basic, and sensible advice.

Continue reading ‘Men in Lesbian Bars’